Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
