Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
