We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
