I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
