i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
