I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
