There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
