i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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