is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
