You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
