Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
