What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
