He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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