i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
