i don't like sucking hair
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
