And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize