M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
