I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
