My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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