This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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