It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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