I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!