i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.