My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)