On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.