Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

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(770): View more from Georgia

I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.

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