Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
