I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
