I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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