Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
