Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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