Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
