I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
