After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
