life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
