I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
