the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You can't motorboat a personality
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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