This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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