I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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