If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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