it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize