the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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