They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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