i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
