A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
