I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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