Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
