I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
