You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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