The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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