So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
