Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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