Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
