since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
