my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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