I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is my gift to your gina
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
