I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
