Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My ass is underappreciated
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
