This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
