Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
