I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
