i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
