I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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