I cannot find my penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
