I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
