So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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