Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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