i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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