rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
