Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
