look no pants
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
