she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
