Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
