Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
