at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
