u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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