new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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