Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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