I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
