I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
They have beer where we have blood.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
