Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
