Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
