well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
