who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
