I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
